no more beard

Keyword: no more beard
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For me, growing a beard is about as easy as finding a keg party to crash the weekend after financial aid checks are dispersed.

Not unlike the aforementioned keggers, beard growth is not something I plan for, or otherwise think through. A beard bash generally commences after having spent several days unshaven. I step from the shower one morning with the intention of sprucing up my appearance, but after assessing the razor situation I decide that it is in my best interest to continue my beard growth past the point of no return rather than spend an equivalent amount of time dabbing at my countenance with scraps of toilet paper waiting for my blood to clot.

A month later the party is still raging and the cops have been by twice, that is to say my dear wife has made daily the impassioned plea ‘When are you going to shave?’ I acquiesce and head to the store for some razors. I startle the checkout girl at the grocery store till who at first (and second) glance mistakes me for Florida’s famed Skunk Ape.

I shave, but not completely. I step from the fog that pours from the bathroom in which I have been working feverishly for the past hour to craft one of three new looks.

1. Hitler – Small nose width moustache
2. Doc Holiday – Handle bar moustache and soul patch
3. Abraham Lincoln – Beard, no moustache

I am then sent back to the bathroom to finish the job.